I sat down earlier, after a long day of crying over everything and being totally confused about my life.
And you know what I realized? I put off my time with the Lord for way too long. I keep meaning to just have a sit-down talk with God, and just not relent until I meet with Him and really invest my time in Him... But I kept putting it off because part of me was somehow scared of meeting with Him. Some part of me had been somehow surrendered to Satan again and didn't want the Lord's presence. How jacked up is that? The second I realized this, I was like, sorry, bro, but Imma need that part of me back. That's going to the Lord, He can burn that. kthx, ya jerk. Haha. But, seriously. I reclaimed it. I was scared of God for some weird reason. I was scared of His plans for me. I was scared of worshiping Him, even. So weird. So, I re-claimed that part of me that I had lost and gave it to the Lord.
And then, I told Him, I'm not going to leave this spot, I will not close my Bible until I meet with you, and I feel your presence on my heart, and your love and guidance in my life.
And, man, He showed up. It was beautiful. In just eight verses, He gave me this new hope and purpose. Ahhhh Jesus is just so cool. Love Him so much. I read Luke 18:35-43. Talking about the blind beggar that Jesus healed.
As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind beggar was sitting beside the road. When he heard the noise of a crowd going past, he asked what was happening. They told him that Jesus of Nazareth was going by. So he began shouting "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" "Be quiet!" the people in front yelled at him. But he only shouted louder, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" When Jesus heard him, He stopped and ordered that the man be brought to Him. As teh man came near, Jesus asked him, "What do you want Me to do for you?" "Lord," he said, "I want to see!" And Jesus said, "All right, receive your sight! Your faith has saved you." Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus, praising God. And all who saw it praised God, too.
(I used NLT for this excerpt, except I changed the words to what the KJV had that I felt contradicted what KJV says, haha. Like, when He says "Your faith has saved you," the NLT says "Your faith has healed you," but KJV says saved. I think it emphasizes the authority Christ had on earth.)
Anyways. So, the blind guy would NOT be quieted from seeking out Christ. And Jesus rewarded that loud, unrelenting faith with healing and salvation. How much more should we be unrelenting in our faith?? It kinda confirmed my whole goal of not giving up until I met with God in that moment. I need to start doing this daily. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I have His presence in my day. I will not be stopped from reaching Him, I will not be silenced.
It goes the same for following His calling on my life. People will try to stop me. Including Christians. Perhaps these Christians have allowed Satan to have part of their heart or mind, totally unaware, and are letting him use that part of them for whatever purpose. They just don't realize it. I know I do that a lot. I'll let my pride swell up, or my opinions, and get mad at someone for something. So, the people who get mad at me because they don't believe God would call a woman to a leadership role, to they realize that they are allowing the devil to use them to discourage God's people and hold them back from His plans? I even let the devil's voice hold me back today. I allowed him to cause doubt in my mind about this. But, that's just silly. I need not doubt what God has told me. I just have to follow Him, with childlike faith. I have to pursue that, no matter what. I will not be held back or silenced. I will boldly follow after my Lord. :)
So, whatever adversities are holding you back from Jesus Christ, identify that, give it to God, and let Him burn it away. Once the walls are gone, there's nothing to hold you two apart except yourself. Go for it.
~Natalie
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