Goodness, gracious. College-searching and consideration is stressful. God's got big plans, and my little head has trouble wrapping around the possibility of them.
Three weeks ago, I officially surrendered my life to His plans. I had thought before that I was already surrendered. But in the midst of a powerful service at a conference I attended with the girls from my youth group, He kept asking me, "Are you sure you're not holding something back?" I was like, "Duhh! I gave it all to you! Remember?" But, I wasn't really thinking about the future. I was just thinking about my 'now' moments, where I'm just all worshiping Him and not holding anything I currently have back from Him. It hit me, though. Out of the blue. I was like, yeah, I'll be a worship leader. I already knew that's what He wanted. But, I was ignoring what that meant. Out of my disdain for Bible colleges and how our worldly, Americanized views have made them a necessity, I was refusing to say I'd go to one. But, if I'm to lead worship in a church, how am I ever to get there without proper training and the certification to show a church that I can do the job? So, in that prayerful hour, I told Him yes. I gave it all up. I un-clenched my hands from my fears of expenses and requirements. I let it all slip out in order to hold His hand. His hand that would guide me through. (My, gosh! I sound so cheesy right now. I love it. Ha ha ha ha.)
Now is the test. The test to see if I'm really dedicated. If I'm really willing. My favorite school I've found, so far, is Christ For The Nations Institute in Dallas. It's only about $10K/year, which is far more reasonable than any of the other Christian schools I've looked through. And their worship program is exactly what I'm looking for. It doesn't have so much to do with theory and such as it does with practical ministry. The school isn't accredited, but I'm not really looking for accreditation. I'm just looking for practical training, and a degree that the right church will recognize and consider me for. CFNI really is my favorite. The application process is a bit more extensive than most, but I understand. They want to make sure they're taking on dedicated people. I need to have a physician do a physical and fill out a bit of a form, so I'll be needing to actually talk to my parents about this school soon.
I can tell that Satan is using my fear of that talk. I know he is. He wants me to give up by planting this idea of my parents' disapproval in my mind. CFNI is a charismatic-based school, and my parents don't exactly approve of the movement thereof. (Believe me, I've heard my dad rant just because a woman, whom I think to be just wonderful for her actions, raises her hands in praise.) But, I know God will make a way if this is the right path. If my parents don't want me to go there, then I'll have to find somewhere else. I cannot obey God's will and disobey Him at the same time. So, I'm praying for the best. I'm praying for support. I'm praying for the means to do all this. I need $50 to send in the application. The school isn't accredited, so FAFSA is out of the question. Most scholarships require accredited schools. The scholarships that CFNI offers are not applicable to me. I'm not foreign, not from the ghetto, and I'm not going to be working at my church. It's tough. But, I just need to pray. And talk. Talking with others is one of the best ways to work to a resolve. But, for now, I just need to focus on applying. If I'm accepted, I'll take that to be God's "yes." I'm praying for a specific sign! And He will answer. I love that about God. He did the same for Gideon. He's done it for me, too. When I'm too confused and dumb to see His smaller signs and guidance, He is willing to make things blunt for me. Love. it.
Anyways, if anyone reads this, say a quick prayer for me. Or a long one.
Thank you.
~Natalie
Now is the test. The test to see if I'm really dedicated. If I'm really willing. My favorite school I've found, so far, is Christ For The Nations Institute in Dallas. It's only about $10K/year, which is far more reasonable than any of the other Christian schools I've looked through. And their worship program is exactly what I'm looking for. It doesn't have so much to do with theory and such as it does with practical ministry. The school isn't accredited, but I'm not really looking for accreditation. I'm just looking for practical training, and a degree that the right church will recognize and consider me for. CFNI really is my favorite. The application process is a bit more extensive than most, but I understand. They want to make sure they're taking on dedicated people. I need to have a physician do a physical and fill out a bit of a form, so I'll be needing to actually talk to my parents about this school soon.
I can tell that Satan is using my fear of that talk. I know he is. He wants me to give up by planting this idea of my parents' disapproval in my mind. CFNI is a charismatic-based school, and my parents don't exactly approve of the movement thereof. (Believe me, I've heard my dad rant just because a woman, whom I think to be just wonderful for her actions, raises her hands in praise.) But, I know God will make a way if this is the right path. If my parents don't want me to go there, then I'll have to find somewhere else. I cannot obey God's will and disobey Him at the same time. So, I'm praying for the best. I'm praying for support. I'm praying for the means to do all this. I need $50 to send in the application. The school isn't accredited, so FAFSA is out of the question. Most scholarships require accredited schools. The scholarships that CFNI offers are not applicable to me. I'm not foreign, not from the ghetto, and I'm not going to be working at my church. It's tough. But, I just need to pray. And talk. Talking with others is one of the best ways to work to a resolve. But, for now, I just need to focus on applying. If I'm accepted, I'll take that to be God's "yes." I'm praying for a specific sign! And He will answer. I love that about God. He did the same for Gideon. He's done it for me, too. When I'm too confused and dumb to see His smaller signs and guidance, He is willing to make things blunt for me. Love. it.
Anyways, if anyone reads this, say a quick prayer for me. Or a long one.
Thank you.
~Natalie
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