I'm not perfect.

I'm so far from it. I have no patience when I'm confronted with something that I'm not sure about. Right now, this isn't going to be very positive sounding, but I'm so very unsure about a lot right now. No, my faith in God isn't wavering, but my beliefs about the fine tunings of it all is really being tested. I'm not sure what exactly to think, but I know I really just need to trust God and ask Him to show me what to think. Prayers would be appreciated.

I would also like to say, however, how proud I am of my dear friends. : ) Seeing their faith grow and how they're really selling out for God has been amazing. Just tonight I got to hang out with a friend and she was telling me how much she's allowing Jesus to just change her from the inside out, and how she's really just giving it all to Him. It is so encouraging to see others doing exactly what I strive to do as well.

Also, my hamster almost escaped today! When I left I forgot and left the top of the cage open!!! She got out, and I crawled everywhere praying to find her. God must really want me to have a hammie cuz she was in the floor by her old cage... Thank You, Lord!!!

That's all!

Prayers and big love,
Natalie : )

The church body's functions

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

 ¹⁵ Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

 ²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

 ²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ²⁸And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? ³¹ Now eagerly desire the greater gifts. And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

 I Corinthians 12:12-31 (NIV)

There's no use in envying other people's spiritual gifts (or the ways that they are able to help the church). Yeah, we should be willing to jump in and do our best to work, but don't let envying those whose gifts make them look more spiritual let you be held back from doing God's work!

Just my thoughts from my personal Bible reading tonight. I figure the plain version here really says more than I need to. Just read the scripture and think about it. "And yet I will show you the most excellent way" might not make much sense there, because Paul is going on to teaching about love in the next chapter. Amazing chapter, I'm looking forward to spending time in it tomorrow!

Big love! XOXO

~Natalie ♥

Late night!

Intense prayer time tonight... I focus so much better on God at night. So thankful for bible study with Joey. Opening my heart and mind to God's Word & His will.
                                                                                          
My goshh I am so tired today! Last night's Jesus time seriously just... it's making my eyes feel like raisins instead of grapes. That doesn't even make sense! But last night was so intense! Really just inspected my heart to find whatever is there that's keeping any distance between me and God. My self-centeredness, my lack of love for others, and actually laughing at jokes that should make me grieve the lack of purity in today's world. That's what really stuck out to me.


So pray for me as I'm asking God to and taking action on purging myself of all these stupid habits that hold me back. There's nothing I want more than for my heart to be one with Christ's. To get to that point, I know I need to continually be inspecting my heart. A regular prayer is going to be Psalm 139:23.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me and know my thoughts:" (KJV)

In the Bible In Basic English version, I love how this thought is worded.

"O God, let the secrets of my heart be uncovered, and let my wandering thoughts be tested:".

Psalm 26:2 says,

"Examine me, O Lord, and try me; test my mind and my heart." (NASB)

I don't think I pray these things enough! I need to really emphasize it. David sought God to examine his heart, instead of being his own decider of whether or not he was good enough. He went ahead and went straight to the ultimate judge, Who is known for zero tolerance for any kind of sin. Too often when we're examining our own hearts, we let a ton of junk slide because it's not like we can detect sin very well if we're used to living with it. Our sin nature gets in the way and is totally comfortable with it there. When we honestly turn to God and ask him to clean out our hearts and examine us, He pulls through.

I used to think these verses were David saying, "Look, God, no sin!" and just inviting Him to check it out. Kind of like having your parents approve of your room when you're done cleaning it. I realized last night that I was totally wrong. It's David asking God for His honest opinion, asking Him to point out the secret sins even he himself had failed to notice. He wrote and prayed it so heart-felt...fully? Hahaha. That's so not a real word. But anyways. You say this whole-heartedly... and God will answer it. He'll let you feel inside your heart that there's something there keeping a little wall of separation. You sit there and meditate on it, and compare your actions and motives to God's actions and motives... anything that falls short needs to go. Self-love (the conceited, proud kind!) is one of the biggest ones we have to get past. There's a balance you have to find that usually lands on self-respect enough to keep out of stupid situations, but the focus is more because you want to honor God with yourself, not because you have some kind of reputation to keep up. It's not your reputation you have to keep up, it's Jesus' reputation you're protecting.

This is what's on my heart!

Hope y'all got something out of this.

Love and blessings,

~Natalie.

Clean : )

I just cleaned out my iTunes library. Man, it feels good. I got rid of 1163 junky songs that I didn't need! (Okay, some of it was KJ-52, but he's seriously nott my cup of tea. At all.) Some of my friends don't totally understand this kind of action. I love them to bits, but they just don't get it. They say, "Well, it doesn't really matter what you listen to. It's not a big deal." And I know they're saying that because they might think I'm looking down on them for listening to secular music. I really don't look down on anyone for that. But, personally, I don't have any reason to listen to that stuff. It makes me more worldly. It gets in my head and messes up my relationship with God, and nothing should come above that.

1 Corinthians 10:23 says, 

" "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive. "

This says heaps about what we allow into our lives. Next time you're watching television, or listening to the radio, compare what you're letting into your mind with this verse. If it doesn't measure up, you might want to consider watching or listening or even reading something different. Just a thought!

Hope you're all having a lovely day!

XOXO,

~Natalie ; )

Just a side note ;)

I just had my personal Jesus time and... wow. I just wanted to share how much I'm falling in love with the Creator! The best thing is... I can feel myself changing from the inside out! He's starting with my heart, and moving on to my mind and my actions and my words. I feel Him working on me, and it brings tears of joy to my eyes. I don't want to be the old, selfish me anymore. I want to be a mirror of my Lord. Kind of like standing in a doorway, with Jesus on the other side, and I'm mimicking His actions. I want to be so close to Him, and know Him so well, that people can hardly tell the difference. I want people to see Christ through me, and even disregard this old person here. I wanna be His mirror. : ) His love is filling up my heart every day, and I feel it particularly tonight. Now I'm gonna go pour out that love on my lovely boyfriend, and hopefully brighten his stressful evening just a tad. ; ) Poor kid's so stressed out! Pray for him if you can.

Love and prayers,

Natalie! : ) : ) : )

The White African

Tonight, I got back into a show I have loved for ages. It's called POV (Point Of View) and it's aired on PBS. They play documentaries here each week that really inform you on an issue (sometimes it's not a very important issue to me, but oh well). Tonight, they played Mugabe And The White African. It was about the fight between the Zimbawean president Mugabe and the white African farmers. The filmmakers chose to follow Mike Campbell and his family in particular. The things done to them are heart-breaking. Mike Campbell died last year from injuries sustained three years earlier in a kidnapping and torture that was intended to force them out of their land. To find out more details, read here. What is amazing about these people, though, is their continued faithfulness to God throughout their trials. They were put through immense struggles, and yet they continued to trust His plans. Heart breaking, and encouraging, all in one.

Man, that was a hard film to watch. But it also reminded me of the prayers I need to be sending out for people I don't even know. Their immense hardships are overwhelming, and I forget to even recognize that daily. It has also reminded me to pray about what God wants me to do about these things. I wonder if prayer is enough? Some days I really hope and already plan that I'll have a normal home life, married, raising kids (the kids part is a long way off, of course) and all that good, American stuff. But I'm learning to be okay with the idea that God might have bigger plans. God might call me to be in the ministry, and that excites me. Whatever He has in store for me, I'm excited about it. I'm hoping for something big. I'm hoping for something that will make a huge impact for Christ. The burden on my heart for the lost continues to grow, and I almost pray that it's my calling to actually go and do something about it. Maybe. We'll see. There's a long time until that's possible. But I hope that my life will be something worth praying about. Until then, I'll just follow the little steps and guidelines I'm receiving from God every day. He always has something to tell me, I just have to listen for it. : )

Needless to say, I do plan on going on a missions trip at least someday. Maybe I'm not called to be a full-time missionary, but I've heard it said that going at least once on a trip like that is an amazing thing for any Christian. : ) I hope I hope I hope I can go someday!

Anyways.

Do you have a love in your life? Any love. Like... a passion! Helping people, cooking, eating, exercising, loving on people, making beautiful things, music, any hobby? You should. It helps a lot in making your life more meaningful. It becomes... what you do! It's part of who you are. Make a list of the things and people you love that you wouldn't be the same without! I'll do it.. right now!

My loves <3

• Jesus Christ/God. Same diff...literally! Love it!
• My family. My mother, my father (he's a hard one to love sometimes, but I do anyways!), my brothers, my sisters-in-law, and... my sister? Hahha. Fine. I'll love her, too ; )
• My wonderful, amazing, and so very loving best friend and boyfriend, Joey. Gosh that boy is such a blessing! I hate how much I take him for granted. : (
• Friends! I love my friends to bits. They blow up my phone every day with the funniest things and always listen to me when I hate on stuff hahaha.
• Art and music and writing. All these forms of expression, I love them all. I thank God for the gifts He's given me and the talents I have to use for His glory. I hope I do Him justice. ; )
• Running. My goodness, I love to run! It's so freeing, and I love the feeling of all that blood pumping so hard and fast and boy do I get a runner's high. Even if a mile is the hardest thing for me, it's still one of my favorite forms of cardio.
• Worship. And I love being a part of it in my church. Sure, I miss being in the congregation for worship, but... it's great to be able to use my guitar-playing for something so good. Maybe someday I'll get a break and get to sing from a pew. ; ) heehee
• FOOD AND T.V.! I love them both! Food makes me full, and tastes so yummy! It's hard not to let that love get out of control... ha ha ha. I'm a silly willy, I know. And I love television. Man, that thing keeps me entertained. It'll be the death of me. SpongeBob, baby.
• Blogging, the internet, facebook. Okay, so I kind of hate facebook, but I use it all the time, so who cares. I love blogging and the internet, though. I like having an excuse to be narcissistic all the time. And I like being able to find recipes a lot. Cuz I love cooking!
• Texting, babes. You knew it was coming.

And I think that's the end of my list. Because, frankly, I could go on, but it'd get too long!

And I'm loving these fonts I found while I was messing with my profile layout! Heehee. I hope they're readable! This cursive one looks so much like my penmanship.

Also, I really miss my mommy! She's in Dallas for the Mary Kay conference... She's having a blast, of course, but I didn't get to say goodbye to her this morning when she left. : ( Sadfaceee. Oh, well. She'll be home Saturday! Yippee!

Today's devotional was about God's plan. That's what really stuck out to me. It's not about God's plan for my life, but about God's plan, and then I change my life to help fulfill His plans. So it's really about God and not my life. I loved that. It's changing my perspective so much already. I love this devotional course! I can't wait for the meeting on Monday with all the girls. Our discussions are going to be amazing.

I want people to comment! Let me know what you like about my posts, what you don't like, constructive criticism! And if you have anything to add to what I'm saying, for goodness sake, say it! I love feedback, and conversations, and yeah. : ) Love it to bits.

I can't wait for tomorrow and to see what's in store!

~Natalie M.

P.S. - Without Christ, we can do nothing!

New(:

This is my new blog (:
I'm so excited about it! I love starting things over, haha. My old one was on a different email account and I was a little tired of the separation there. So I made this one. I hope I remember to keep up with it!

One of the reasons I decided to make a new blog was that I want this to be a positive thing. I've been praying and praying for God to change my heart, and I feel that wanting to keep it up by talking about it on here is a great idea. It should be a good reminder to keep up these changes rather than reverting back to my old self-centered ways. So every time I log on here, I'll remember how much LOVE I'm receiving through Jesus, and how much love I'm choosing to pour out through Him, too. ♥

So, what's going on in my life? Hmm... Well, this last week I had a huge self-confidence, body image, self-love, breakthrough! Lots of words for it, but so much greatness is hard to wrap up into one little statement. I'm finally learning to see myself as one of God's wonderful creations. You know how you have a favorite artist or designer and you simply can't help but love everything they make? I've realized that should be how we view God. He's the best designer out there! He says everything He makes is good. So how can I find the time to hate what God made? He made me beautiful. He knit me together, bit by bit, putting love and beauty into each stitch. Loving myself simply tags along on the towboat of loving God. (:

This means no more down-talk about yourself! (OR OTHERS!) God made you, me, and everyone else. Try and see people the way God does: with love! It's the best feeling ever, even if some people take a little more work. But it's so worth it. God's love just fills up your heart, and spills out to everyone else. He just leaves the faucet running (;

This is what's on my mind lately! Knowing that I'm beautiful, inside and out, because God put that worth and beauty there. :) If there's something I do or say that doesn't reflect that beauty, it doesn't belong there, and I need to pray and work hard to remove it from my life. What people see in me should be Christ, not me. And I certainly hope I don't obstruct the view. He's everything!

And on another note, the girls in the youth group at church are starting a new Bible study that I'm so excited about! It's called Experiencing God, and I absolutely love it. Today was the first day of the at-home work, and it's just so great already. It puts clearly in front of you what you need to do to make God real in your life. LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

There's also verse memorization every week, which I'm really excited about. People may view that as juvenile, but memorizing verses is a huge deal for fighting the devil! This week, it's John 15:5 - "I am the vine, ye are the branches: he that abideth in Me, and I in him, the same shall bring forth much fruit: for without me, ye can do nothing." We used to have a painting of grapes with this verse under it in the dining room... hahaha. I love it tho. (: It's reminding me that I'm nothing, and God is everything. That's the biggest thing. I won't get anything real accomplished without him.

I'm just really excited about all this! And I love my hamster. I'm sure I'll say stuff about her all the time, haha. She peed on my phone tonight! (: I still love her, though!

Much love!

~Natalie

P.S. - Don't reject advice! If someone says something to you, think long and hard about it, think about why they would say that and consider the good parts of it before you blow up on them for helping you out.