Knit... must... knittttt

I seriously need to knit today. I wanna keep my mind off things and knitting is the perfect thing to do for that... Guess I'll track down some yarn that isn't in a knot and get to work!

Hard Times.

I have my struggles just like anyone else. Sometimes, I feel like mine are worse. It can be so hard to find joy when I'm just really trying to fight off the terrible thoughts that accompany my depression. Spending time in the Bible has really helped me a lot. It helps me avert my attention from my self-pitying miseries, and back to Christ and the joy I can receive through live in Him.

I just started reading Philippians today, which is known to be a book about joy. After a tough evening, and deciding to use my Sunday for a break, it seems like the perfect time to be reading this. One of the chunks of verses that stuck out to me is Philippians 1:19-26.

For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what shall I choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having  to desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith; that your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again.

I feel like all this means that no matter what happens, we need to remember that it is for the glory of Christ. As a result, we have nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to fear. All that God has put in our lives will somehow be for His glory and for our joy. I find myself in the apostle Paul's shoes a lot, I think. I so often just want to be done with life. I want to go to my eternal home in glory. But I can't. Not yet, anyways. I have so much to do here, and more that I don't even know about. God is not done with me yet, that's why I'm still here. He has more plans to carry out through me. (Just go read all of Philippians 1! He talks about God completing his work in us earlier on in the chapter.) Anyways. Knowing that God has more plans for me that I have yet to live out, and I need to stick around and be with friends and family, encouraging and helping them, and by that, I can find purpose in why I'm still on the earth. "I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith; that your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again." I may not want to go on, but that is selfish thinking. If I think about how I can help others and encourage them then I can keep those negative thoughts at bay.

My mom has been talking to me about this stuff a lot lately. I finally straight up told her about everything I'm going through last night and she knows and understands it all. We have a lot in common, actually. And she's struggled with depression just the same as me. It's so comforting to know that when I think nobody understands, God has given me my mother who has felt the exact same way as me. Not only that, but God understands, too! He's been through more than I ever have. Needless to say I love Him for this. And I love my mom so so so much.

I am very blessed to have parents and friends and even a boyfriend who are all so very patient with me when I'm going through harder times and focused so much on myself. I'm so thankful for them. Today is about recovery and focusing on all I have to be thankful for. Taking a break from all the work that wears me down on Sundays, and remembering how much I have to be thankful for. And there's a lot of that.

Love and prayers,

Natalie.

Our True Identity In Christ

This is an amazing chart in my Bible that shows us our true identities in Christ (:

Romans 3:24......We are justified (declared "not guilty" of sin).
Romans 8:1......No condemnation awaits us.
Romans 8:2......We are set free from the law of sin and death.
1 Corinthians 1:2......We are sanctified (made holy) in Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 1:30......We are pure and holy in Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:22......We will be made alive at the resurrection.
2 Corinthians 5:17......We are new persons.
2 Corinthians 5:21......We are made right with God.
Galatians 3:28......We are one in Christ with all other believers.
Ephesians 1:3......We are blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Ephesians 1:4......we are holy and without fault.
Ephesians 1:5,6......We are adopted as God's children.
Ephesians 1:7......Our sins are taken away, and we are forgiven.
Ephesians 1:10,11......We will be brought under Christ's authority.
Ephesians 1:13......We are marked as belonging to God by the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 2:6......We have been raised up to sit with Christ in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 2:10......We are God's masterpiece.
Ephesians 2:13......We have been brought near to God.
Ephesians 3:6......We share the promise through Christ.
Ephesians 3:12......We can come with freedom and confidence into God's presence.
Ephesians 5:29,30......We are members of Christ's body, the church.
Colossians 2:10......We have been given fullness in Christ.
Colossians 2:11......We are set free from our sinful nature.
2 Timothy 2:10......We will have eternal glory.

Pretty encouraging if you ask me! (:

Long time?

It's been a while since I posted last. School has been keeping me busy! I don't normally like to get on the computer when I've got stuff to finish.

Anyhow!

This is what's up lately:)

I've been getting really into fitness and eating right lately... (which is ironic because I just ate 3 pieces of Pizza Hut Pizza and I can feel my arteries clogging... neeed... cardio!!) I found out that my ideal weight is 120-125, and by that I mean on the thin side of my ideal weight. Which I don't expect to be, really, since I have quite a bit of muscle in my legs. But I'm not worried. I just wanna get down to 125. I have a smaller frame and I'm 5'5". So that's what I'm working towards now. I also have fitness goals, of course. I want to run 5 miles in one go. That's a long ways away but I'm looking forward to it. It's already getting too cold for my running gear, though! I really need to get some coldgear. And I'm also a huge fan of HIIT now. Sprinting and walking on and off. Love it. It makes me feel sooo good all day! Love it. So I've got 24 pounds to lose and 4 miles to conquer. It's going to be wonderful.

I'm going through the book of Galatians, too! It's kicking my butt. Not because I put rules and guidelines on my Christian walk, but because I can easily let myself become a slave to sin again. I always think of enslaving myself to sin whenever Paul talks about how the church was choosing law over faith and whatnot. They're both ends of an extreme we should avoid. So that's what I'm working on in my spiritual walk. Really just focusing on love for God and love for others, so that I'm not a slave to anything bad, I'm merely choosing to do what God asks of me. : ]

School's been good, too! I kinda slacked this past week, though, so I'll have a nice and busy weekend. Goodie. But that's what I get! I just need to work hard. I can do it, though. :] :] :]

That's pretty much it!!!

Love and prayers,

Natalie

:'(

There's sorrow out there.

And, I'll be honest, it steals me away all too often. I don't know whether I struggle with depression, or if this is just me being crazy. I really do not know what the deal is. I never have a good reason. Ever. But, right now, I think God is trying to get me to learn to seek Him out for my joy, and rely on His promises to get me through the harder days.

Today was honestly pretty bad. I was just fine in the morning, (jk, I slept in until 12 P.M. ...) had some amazingly wonderful Bible time, but by 4 P.M. I was dead. I was so depressed. Sitting at the dinner table around 7 P.M., I nearly busted up in tears. I had no reason. I was even finding ways to take it out on Joey. (I really can be terrible to him when I'm not happy... I can't stand it.) My mom noticed how upset I looked (GOD BLESS THAT WOMAN!!) and I just brushed it off. I ended up flat on my stomach on my bed after dinner, bawling my eyes out. But my wonderful mother... she came in and talked to me. She told me how she understood, and how she goes through it, too. How when we're working our butts off to get closer to God, we sometimes end up struggling with the worst depression ever. She compared it to the prophet Isaiah. He was part of an amazing victory with God, and after that he was so depressed he wanted to die. (Been there!) (I think it was Isaiah, anyhow. She might have meant Jeremiah.) Anyways. It happens. We experience depression. And we have to keep focusing on the fact that it will not last forever.

This thought, that it will not last forever... it carried on when I sought out scriptures concerning depression. Here are the verses I found that really brought strength back to my heart!

"O LORD, You are my lamp. The LORD lights up my darkness. In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection."

-2 Samuel 22:29-31 

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

 -Psalm 34:18

 

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

Revelation 21:4

These verses really just spoke to my heart. I felt the Lord's sweet Spirit telling me it was gonna be okay. It doesn't matter that I feel like I can't go on. I will go on, anyways. And He will be there with me, lighting my darkness, staying my joy, always. His comfort is always there for me. And, someday, sorrows will be defeated. The only tears I'll experience will be for joy! I just have to persevere.

Anyways. This is just what's on my heart lately. I really needed to sort this all out into words, and here it is! Mission accomplished.

Love and prayers, and support!

~Natalie

Excitement.

I know. I ended that word with a period, so it's not really that exciting. It sounds a little more sarcastic that way. Hahaha. Anyways. I'm not talking like that! I'm talking about getting excited about God. (: Hard task, right? (No, really! Sometimes it can be super hard!) But this stuff I got out of my Bible time today made me get pumped up a little more!

First off, I wanna stress how important it is (for me, especially!) to keep a prayer journal. That doesn't even necessarily mean to keep a journal with a gajillion entries that all start with "Dear Heavenly Father," and end with, "In Jesus' name, amen." No no no! That's SO MUNDANE!!! BOO! Vain repetitions, much? I mean just writing out your thoughts! Just yammer away on your pages. I usually write a few words to start off with that kinda sum up what's on my mind. Today's first bit says "Baby steps...". I went on to talk to God about (yeah, I don't just go "blah blah blah give me this and do this, Lord," I straight up go into conversation! That's what Prayer is about, baby!) how I feel like I'm slowly making little steps closer to Him. Then I'll write down the reference of where I'm reading today, and after each reference, write down whatever I felt God was trying to tell me through that. The big stuff that popped out to me, that seemed special to me. And I'll write out my thoughts on it until I figure out how I need to change my life to what God's pushing me towards. It's so important for me to do this, because I'll forget wayy too easily what I got out of my Bible time and next thing you know, I'm off in a bad mood, harassing my sister for eating the last whatever! Ha ha ha. It helps me so much, though. Not gonna lie. Just throwin' that out there!

Anywho. I just wanna talk about the stuff that really stuck out to me today!

• In 2 Samuel 9, David stayed true to his promise to Jonathan that he would look out for and be a friend to any of his ancestors. Mephibosheth was his only surviving son, and David tracked him down (not even knowing whether he was alive or not!) and brought him into his house, treating him as his own. We need to remember our promises to people! David could have forgotten his promise easily, especially after Jonathan's death, but he went out of his way to fulfill it. I feel like sometimes we go out of our way to get out of fulfilling a promise, ha ha. We're supposed to stay true to our word, just like David!
• I read Mark 14:32-42. Man, Jesus went through a lot here. The idea of the torture and the painful death He was about to go through was finally sinking in. He was stressing out. He prayed to God that, if it was the Father's will, to not make Him go through with it. But it was God's will... it's heart-breaking, but I rejoice in it anyways, because of the glory God receives for it! Anyways. This moment is one of those moments where you see the human part of Christ. He felt stress. Immense stress. Just like we do... and obviously even worse here, considering He could have easily avoided going through all that. If Jesus could go through all that and still stay true, we can, too. We don't even have that much to get through. As Christians, we don't usually have that many obstacles for our faith. So stay true! Stay strong. And stay in Christ. ♥
• Same passage, I realized how much Jesus needed the support of His dearest friends--and they fell asleep! It makes me sad to realize that I do the exact same thing. I choose sleep over fellowship with my Lord and Creator. Dumb dumb dumb! I'm going to try and get up earlier to take care of this. Early mornings with Jesus always get me off to a better start. :) When God needs me... I want to be there. Fully aware of His need for me. Not having to wallow in guilt later on about how I failed Him.
• Galatians 1-- The part where Paul is talking about how soon the church was led astray from the Good News! That hit me hard. How quickly we try to figure out what else there is to Christianity other than receiving salvation through Jesus Christ, repenting of our sins, accepting the Holy Spirit, and walking closer and closer every day. Some people seem to think there are rules and guidelines. You can only wear this, listen to that, eat that...whatever! We can't add rules. We simply follow God's lead in our lives. Yes, sometimes He leads us away from certain things because He knows that will be a stumbling block for us, but that doesn't make it one of the ten commandments, set in stone for every believer. Don't let anyone tell you that. Just follow God's convictions on your life. And don't let anyone try to tell you that you have to fit God into a denomination. He is huge. There is no way you can explain Him by anything, or make Him fit into articles of belief. Base your beliefs and knowledge of Him through His Word and the experiences with Him through said Holy Bible, k? Be careful of false teachers! Compare everything you hear to His Word!
• Psalm 110. This one is supposed to be about the Messiah. But what stuck out to me was verse 3, the second half of it. "You are arrayed in holy garments, and your strength will be renewed each day like the morning dew." I get that Jesus is almighty. But I also take this as a promise that Jesus clothes us in holiness, and righteousness, and in Him, our strength is renewed daily. What a huge promise and blessing. It encourages me so much to know that He does this for me. I love You, Lord! :)

Such a good time in the Word! :) Makes my heart full of J O Y.

Oh, I also wanted to share that I bought an NLT Bible today (75% off of $20... $5 Bible! YEAH!) for pocket reference and comparison. It helped me a lot in my study today. I know some people might have the idea that it'll make me dislike my KJV study Bible. Not true, though! It made me love and appreciate my study Bible even more. The NLT just helps me understand a little better sometimes. :) Just a side note!

I hope everyone is feeling super blessed.

If not, track down your blessings and thank God for them! He loves you so very much, and I do, too!

~Natalie