Once upon a time, I had a very late night prayer time. And through it, I experienced an amazing closeness with God. It was humbling and uplifting and just flat out wonderful. But one of the things it has made me realize, is that I don't matter. Especially after the sermon my pastor gave on Sunday about self-centered mindsets. We all have one, and we all need to work to break free of them. I have a real problem with mine, too. I am so very self-centered in my thinking, and I'm praying that God will strip me of that, and make me think of others first. I don't actually matter.
One of the examples my pastor used really got the idea across. You walk into a room, and you don't really know anybody. You see a group of people laughing and you wonder... are they laughing at me??? Because we think of ourselves first! And then they look over and stop laughing. As if that confirms it. When really, they merely looked over at a very solemn individual... who wouldn't stop laughing at a sight like that? Ha ha. It kinda opens your eyes... To the fact that you're not the only person in the world. Chances are, everyone isn't talking about you and they're sure as heck not revolving their lives around making you feel a certain way.
That's just kinda been on my mind lately. Convincing myself that I don't actually matter. Nobody's actually going to remember me for the tiny things that embarrass me. Thinking that my mistakes are all that matter in this world. It's a little bit ridiculous. And thinking that someone thinking I'm weird for my faith? Even worse. Shame on me. Reaching out is part of Christianity. Why shouldn't I do it? Just because it's not cool? No way. There are souls on the line. I shouldn't risk it.
